I don’t know about you, but I always think New Year’s resolutions are a good idea.  Setting good intentions for the year sounds like hope and I often need hope like that.

But then, life be life’n and it’s like March before I’ve even thought about them again.

Around that time, my mind tries to do some mental gymnastics just so I can set goals and call them New Year’s resolutions even though a quarter of the year has gone by.

Who has time for that kind of mental failure?

Not me.

So, I usually pump myself up and just say, “I’ll try again next year.”

Basically, I say this every year.

Surely I’m not the only one.

This year, I’m going to take a new approach though.  I’m choosing to be okay with simply calling them New Goals.  I’m freeing myself from a start date by taking the “New Years” time stamp off of my good intentions.  This is helpful, because it challenges my inner critic from being overbearing if I miss the state date.  This also means, I can choose to start working towards my goals on a random Tuesday and call it a win. Yay!

Noticing this belief has also highlighted a couple other beliefs that I need to deal with before I can move forward with any new goal.

No. 1.  I have to calm down my inner Yoda who likes to remind me, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

While Yoda is wise and knew Luke needed to hear these words in order to battle the Empire . . . all or nothing thinking like this usually isn’t helpful for normal day to day goal setting.  In fact, for me, all or nothing thinking often results in not trying at all.  Because this kind of thinking keeps me from celebrating the little steps that lead to progress.  And, I stay tunnel visioned on the final product.

This means accomplishing my goal is usually a long way away, which means I have to have patience.  And since patience isn’t easy, especially self-patience, my remedy is this: to celebrate each step as I go.  I’m not talking about confetti and party blowers all the time, although maybe sometimes.  I’m talking about revamping my to-do list.  I’m no longer only making a list of final product tasks.  Instead I’m choosing to count the steps I take in order to get to the goal I’m attempting to complete.  Often, this looks like me reflecting and writing down what I actually did and how long it took at the end of each day.  I might not have finished my blog, but I spent two hours writing something.  And, that’s time that counts. This is why so many calendars have 8 water bottles for each day on them and not just one bottle for drinking all the recommended daily water intake.  Each step matters.  Celebrate the little wins.

No. 2.  I have to choose goals that actually work for my life not just goals I think I “should” do.

Honestly, I’m not trying to blast “should” thinking.  I kind of think we’ve gone all or nothing with “should” thinking by saying that all “should” statements are bad.   But, I’ll get off my soap box for now.  Ha!  I do, however, think we “should” ourselves into goals that we actually don’t care about.  And, while we need some of these goals, we also need some goals that excite us.  For instance, personally, I think I should read all the new books about psychology that come out every year.  And, while this is a noble goal, it’s not one I can actually achieve.  When I embrace this reality, I’m able to move from my should goal and find what I really want.  I want to craft a solid TED talk on Attachment Theory.  Nerdy, I know.  But, this is a professional goal that I actually want, which makes it a far better goal.

So, what do you really want?  Spiritually?  Relationally?  Professionally?  Physically?  I bet exercising three times a week is what you think you should do while what you really want is to feel well in your body.  So, start there instead.  Then take the time to determine what it means to feel well in your body so you can then decide what you need to do in order to feel well in your body.  Maybe it’s exercising 3xs a week, maybe it’s finding foods that don’t increase the inflammation in your gut, or maybe it’s realizing that your body is fine and your inner critic needs something else to fixate on.  Whatever it is, find what you really want first and then write the steps you need in order to get there.  And, when you’re done with that task, celebrate!  You took the time to get started.

Now, get going and enjoy yourself along the way!