Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about grace. And kindness. And gentleness. I’m someone who doesn’t respond well when it seems another person is being harsh with me. I don’t like it when someone uses a condescending tone or talks at me instead of with me. I don’t like it when others expect something of me I don’t have to give. It feels like there is this extreme pressure pushing down on me when I’m treated like this. Like I’m suffocating. 

And my personal tendency is to shut down and shut people out when this happens. Some of you may get into fight mode instead. 

I’m realizing those behaviors are so triggering for me because they feel judgmental instead of gracious and kind. Where grace brings freedom and peace, judgment brings pain and imprisonment. 

And no one wants to be judged. We all want to be shown grace. 

Because grace is healing. 

But I think sometimes the one we need the most grace from is ourselves. We already have it in abundance from Jesus when we accept what He’s done for us on the cross, and sometimes we have grace from our people. But it seems we are much more stingy handing out grace back to ourselves. 

We are very hard on ourselves at times — expecting better in our health, in our relationships, in our work, in our spiritual walk. We keep looking at everything we are doing wrong or everything about us that is “wrong” instead of seeing ourselves through the eyes of Jesus, through grace-filled eyes. The eyes that see us in process, not expecting us to have arrived. 

If Jesus was sitting next to you on the couch right, what would He say to you? 

Would He point out everything wrong about you? Or would He gently say, “I love you. You are mine. You are clean. Go and sin no more.” What would He say? Would He look down on you, talk down to you? Or would He sit with you, look in your eyes, listen to your struggles, and offer His help?

We are our biggest bullies. We are so unkind to ourselves. We never would want another person to hear the thoughts we have about ourselves because they are often so mean. So dishonoring. 

And I just can’t find a Jesus that would treat us that way. Yes, He speaks hard truths sometimes, but He doesn’t treat others as though they are beneath Him (even though we all are).  

Because He knows we aren’t going to be perfect on this side of Heaven. He is the only perfect one. It’s because of this reason that we need His grace so much, that we need His righteousness and His holiness. Because ours is like filthy rags. 

We are all human. We are all flawed. No one is perfect. Not one. 

So why do we expect ourselves to be?

Why do we expect our bodies to look a certain way?

Why do we expect ourselves to get up early every day and spend an hour or more in our bible? 

Why do we get so angry with ourselves when we screw up at work?

I think it’s because the expectations we have of ourselves are a bit high and often unrealistic. I don’t expect myself to spend an hour in my bible everyday because I have to work and take care of my kids. I don’t always have an hour. I don’t expect my body to look like a magazine cover because those bodies are airbrushed, and who said my body is supposed to look like that anyway? I don’t condemn myself when I miss church because my salvation has nothing to do with that. 

There is no more condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus. Period. So when are we going to accept that as truth and begin treating ourselves with more grace? Allowing room for imperfection and making space for adjusted expectations. We need to do this or we’ll find ourselves depressed and anxious, never feeling like we are worth something. Living in a constant state of feeling like a failure is no fun.

And that is not where Jesus wants us to be. 

Yes, we should feel some sorrow over our sin, and yes, that sorrow should lead us to repentance and change. 

And no, we don’t need to excuse our sin because we have grace. And we shouldn’t just keep on sinning because of that, either. 

But we can be more kind about it. We can stop identifying with the imperfections and begin identifying as children of God, cleansed by God, adopted and fully accepted by God. No matter what we do. 

We can start by accepting ourselves as He accepts us. 

Knowing we will mess up and have flaws, but it’s okay. Because we’ve been covered by the one who is flawless. 

And when He sees us, He sees His reflection, not everything we hate about ourselves.

May we can come to the place where we see this, too.