There isn’t an experience I hate more than feeling lonely. It really is the worst. I think we can all handle small bouts of it, but for real, no one likes feeling it.

I’m alone. I have no one. Everyone else has someone but me. I’m not worth others’ time or attention. I’ll always be alone. What’s wrong with me? There’s got to be something wrong with me. I don’t have any friends. Why don’t I have more people in my life? Where is everyone? Does anyone even care about me? Does anyone want to be around me? Does anyone notice me?

There are so many thoughts associated with loneliness. They can be suffocating. Loneliness doesn’t play nice when it shows up.

Look at this information about loneliness from the American Psychiatric Association: 

 In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., M.B.A., called loneliness a public health epidemic. The latest Healthy Minds Monthly Poll from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) finds that, early in 2024, 30% of adults say they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, while 10% say they are lonely every day. Younger people were more likely to experience these feelings, with 30% of Americans aged 18-34 saying they were lonely every day or several times a week, and single adults are nearly twice as likely as married adults to say they have been lonely on a weekly basis over the past year (39% vs. 22%).

The poll was fielded Jan. 10-12, 2024, among 2,200 adults by Morning Consult, and used the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)’s definition of loneliness: “feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging.”

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/news-releases/new-apa-poll-one-in-three-americans-feels-lonely-e

Look at those numbers. That’s 1 in 3 adults reporting feeling lonely AT LEAST once a week, and that number seems pretty low to me. It’s called a “loneliness epidemic” and is now recognized as a significant public health concern. It can increase feelings of depression and anxiety. It can also increase addictive behaviors, suicidal ideation, risky online behaviors, disordered eating, and risky relational behaviors. It can also enhance the risk of heart disease, stroke, and weakened immunity. 

It is a significant issue. 

Why are we so lonely? What’s going on? Though we could sit and talk for a while about what causes loneliness, we won’t do that today. We just need to take a deep breath and see the weight of this problem. We’re a lonely people. A really lonely people. 

And if this is such a common issue, I know if you’re reading this, it’s likely you experience loneliness, too. Maybe often. And I do, too. 

I’m not sure there is a “cure” for loneliness, even though some might flippantly say spending time with others could do it, but I can’t tell you how many people tell me that they sometimes still feel lonely when they’re with others. So when we talk about how to deal with loneliness, we’re not saying that you won’t feel it if you try some of these things. But they could help by releasing some of the happy chemicals we need in order to feel good, connected, happy, and calm. 

So how can we deal with loneliness?

1. Reach out.  

Connect to the people already in your life. Text or call a friend or loved one. Jump on Marco Polo or Voxer and talk to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Make plans with a local friend. Cuddle or play with your kids. Talk to your partner and make plans to spend more time together. Go to the support group or the small group, join the local intramural team, go to the class at the gym, invite someone to come hang out. Cuddle with a pet. Lean into who’s in your life. 

2. Distract yourself. 

Do some housework. Watch a good movie or show. Read a book. Listen to some fun music. Work on a project. It only works to distract you for a little while, but it helps get your mind off of any spiraling thoughts associated with loneliness. 

3. Go for a walk or move your body. 

I know for me, I exercise at home, but if I’m really lonely, I really need to get my body moving outside or at a gym with other humans. Being outside in general can help, too. 

4. Find somewhere to volunteer or serve. 

That can get us out of our heads and helps us feel immediately better. It can help us feel connected to the world around us, to do something to help another who needs it. 

5. Pray 

Sometimes we need to get out of our heads and not sit and reflect or meditate or pray, but at other times, connecting to God can be helpful to remind us we’re not alone. 

6. Redirect your thoughts to more true, kind, helpful thoughts.

Remind yourself of who loves you in your life, whom you DO have. Say things like, “Even though I don’t have someone with me right now, I am still worth others’ time and attention. I do belong.” Make a list of your people in your life and why they matter to you.

7. Learn ways to enjoy time with yourself.

This is so important. We all need to be okay with alone time sometimes. Learn a new skill. Engage in a favorite hobby. Take care of yourself. Go out and do something by yourself you’d normally do with another person. Lean into what you like about yourself. Because if you enjoy being with yourself, you might not feel so lonely.

I think one of the biggest things that helps me when I feel lonely is reminding myself that all feelings are temporary. None of them last forever. Loneliness is no exception. It will come and go, and sometimes it will come on so hard and so fast it feels like it could sweep you under. But it won’t. It’s temporary. It will pass. We can ride out the wave, be curious about the feeling and what it’s about, and then we can do something we need in order to feel a little bit better. But if you’re feeling lonely more often than not and nothing seems to help, it might be time to seek out some professional help. 

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Disclaimer: We love creating content that inspires and encourages our readers to prioritize their mental health. However, please note that our content is for informational and motivational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional counseling, therapy, or medical advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional for any concerns or treatment.