Whether we know it or not, we have a number of things we value in life. Our values form a foundation for our behaviors, choices, ethics, and beliefs. And when we aren’t sure of our values, or if we’re not living in line with our values, our suffering can grow. Of course, often our suffering is because of something that’s happened to us, but some of it can come from within. When there is misalignment with values and daily choices and behaviors, whether ours or someone’s around us, there can be a significant increase in distress in our lives. 

So the simple goal of this blog today is to help us clarify our own values, and then assess whether we are living in alignment with those values. And if not, what’s keeping us from doing so?

Livingwell.org shares this about values: 

“In order to get ourselves in a better place to deal with difficulties, and life’s problems in general, it is worth putting some time and energy into identifying and living by your values; that is, what you stand for as a person. Our values act as a kind of reference guide or compass for who we are, how we act in particular situations, and where we want to go in life. If we possess a clear sense of purpose and direction, and act according to our values, then we are less likely to feel overwhelmed or be knocked off course when we experience challenging situations. Values are life-concepts that are important to us. They might be based on how we were brought up, on religious or spiritual tradition, on a particular sense of ethics, or an approach to life that we have adopted along the way.”

Some may think it’s unnecessary to clarify and name our values, but this is a part of the process we can’t skip. There are values sitting way below the surface that we aren’t even sure are there that are influencing our lives, so we need to pull them up to the surface and examine them. We can’t live in line with unclear values. We need clarity. 

My values will look different than yours, too, even if we share a similar upbringing or have been raised in the church. That’s okay. One value is not greater (or more “right”) than another. And what we’ll also see is that our values can change as our life moves forward, as we change, as things change around us, as we learn more and grow as people. 

As you get started with this exercise, give yourself some time to sit and really reflect. Here is a list of values from Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead™. 

Now, here is a helpful way to clarify your values that we use at Full Life with our clients. 

Step 1: As you read each word, place a dot by the words that resonate with you. You’ll know if a word resonates because your mind and/or your body will say, “yes” as you read the word. 

Step 2: Of the words that you marked from step one, cross out the words that you only maked because you thought you “should” value that. 

Step 3: Circle up to 10 words that you would want in a best friend. Or, if you are thinking about work, then you can circle up to 10 words that you would want to see in a co-worker. 

Step 4: Highlight the top 5 words that you would want to be known for. 

Step 5: Now, number these words from 1 to 5 with #1 being the most important to you. 

Step 6: Spend some time defining the top three words that you chose, and then reflect on where those values came from (what you’ve been taught, how you’ve been treated, what your family values, your church, etc.). 

Step 7: What could be a reason(s) that you are not living in line with these top values? 

When you can be intentional to live your life in congruence with your values, you could see a significant decrease in the distress you’ve felt. And feel an overall sense of hope, peace, courage, and resilience to continue moving through life, even when it gets hard.