One of the reasons people struggle to set boundaries is because it does not feel loving or Christlike; he gave his life to save the world. And boundaries feel a lot like preserving one’s life. But the truth is that Jesus had great boundaries, and the world doesn’t need more saviors. It already has one. 

Having healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things we can do for others, because boundaries bring freedom. Boundaries help others grow. They help us grow. So let’s talk about some of the boundaries of Jesus. 

Jesus knew when to rest. 

Jesus spent the majority of his life on earth learning and getting ready for ministry, and the three years he was doing ministry, he was busy. He healed many diseases, preached many sermons, and had many conversations. He got tired just like the rest of us, and he understood when he needed to pull away, be alone, rest, and spend time in prayer. Knowing our own needs and knowing when we need to rest demonstrates not only self-respect, but it is also essential for our health. Jesus knew (as a man) he could not continue doing what he needed to do without his own physical and spiritual needs met. And we can’t love and live well without getting ours met, either. It’s okay to pull away for a while, to take a Sabbath or go on vacation. It’s okay to take a day off work. We need to listen to our bodies and take care of them. 

Jesus knew when to speak assertively. 

There were moments on earth when Jesus spoke hard truth to others. He spoke it to his disciples. He spoke it to the crowds. He spoke it to the Pharisees. People often think he was gentle with everyone, but he actually spoke some hard-to-hear words. To set good boundaries, we have to be comfortable with speaking assertively. We can’t shy away from the truth. We can’t be seeker-friendly all the time or live in fear that we’ll hurt other’s feelings. We need to speak truth when the situation calls for it. 

Jesus knew when to be quiet. 

There were moments when Jesus spoke and other moments when he was quiet. He knew when he needed to speak, what to say, and what not to say. He did not always feel the need to explain himself fully, for example. He also knew when to listen. To observe. To soak in. Sometimes when people begin setting boundaries, they go in with guns blazing, saying whatever they need to say and doing whatever they need to do despite others. Without caring about who they hurt. But there are times when having good boundaries actually means being quiet. 

Jesus knew who needed to be in his inner circle and who didn’t. 

Not everyone needs to be in our inner circle of trusted people. There are levels of relationships, levels of safety, some we do life with and others who are more like acquaintances. Jesus interacted a lot with the crowds and the religious leaders, but he didn’t spend the majority of his time with them. He spent the majority with his disciples, the twelve. And then even beyond that, he had a group of three that were with him in some of his more vulnerable, intimate moments— Peter, James, and John. And then even deeper than that, he is in perfect relationship with the Father and the Spirit. Not everyone was his best friend. He knew the difference. We also need to understand the difference. 

Jesus knew when to say goodbye. 

Jesus knew when he needed to stay in relationship and when he needed to say goodbye. Two big examples come to mind: Peter and Judas. Peter betrayed Jesus. In turn, Jesus spoke assertively to him, showing how hurtful Peter’s actions were. Eventually, Peter was broken over his actions and Jesus restored their relationship. Then, Peter gave the rest of his life for Jesus. But Judas? Jesus told Judas to go during the Last Supper. He told him to go because he knew Judas sold him for silver. This was one of Jesus’ friends, one of his twelve chosen disciples. Someone who hurt him deeply. Yes, Jesus forgave him with the blood of the cross, as he did for all of us who have betrayed him. (Which yes, is all of us.) But Jesus knew when to let go. He let Judas go. We need to know when it is time to walk away from a relationship or allow another to walk away from us. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, and sometimes the hurt is too great for a deeper relationship to continue. 

Jesus died to save us all, but he didn’t take away our choice. 

This is an important point right here. Jesus gave away his life so that we could have ours. He died for us to be able to have a relationship with God. Boundaries often feel selfish because we should love like Jesus, and we should sacrifice like Jesus. But like I said earlier, the world already has a savior. It doesn’t need us to do that. But here’s the thing about what Jesus did. He gave us his life, but he never forced us to accept the gift of the grace. He never took away our choice. He offers the gift, but he allows us the choice to accept it or not. Jesus knew his responsibility and he owned it. And he also knew what was our responsibility. We must understand the same and stop trying to be for others what they need to be for themselves. We need to know what is ours to hold and what isn’t. 

May we understand that we can have healthy boundaries and still love well. We can honor God with them. We can love others and love ourselves without sacrificing our faith. We can look like Jesus and have limits. So let’s prioritize heathy boundaries. Together.