I’m grieving a bit this holiday season. Are you? I think we were all hoping life would have gone back to normal by now, that we would not have to keep getting COVID tests and we would be able to see our families during Thanksgiving and Christmas. That our kids would be able to be in school consistently and that our finances would get back to a healthy place again. That holiday parties and celebrations and traditions would be back on track. That we could forget this whole thing ever happened. 

But those things aren’t happening, are they? 

The losses that have accumulated this year have been almost too much to bear. 

Can we just collectively take a deep breath and show kindness to ourselves and others in this grief? The pain is real, and it’s OK to feel sad and angry and maybe even numb. We could be grieving the loss of someone we love due to COVID, grieving not being able to see family, or grieving not being able to purchase as many presents. Today, I want to take a kind, gentle approach to help you through your grief during this holiday season. 

1. Allow your emotions to come to the surface. 

We are all humans, and that means we all have emotions. As children, we weren’t always taught effective things to do with those emotions. We may have been taught to suck it up and get over it. Maybe we were taught to push them away and pretend they don’t exist. When we avoid our emotions or try to stuff them, eventually they will come out in more harmful, unhealthy ways. It is important to allow whatever emotions you have come to the surface. Don’t ignore them. Let them come. If you are feeling sad and stifling tears, let the tears come. If you are angry about COVID restrictions, make room for that anger. The most common emotions that surface during grief are versions of anger, numbness, fear, sadness, and confusion. Name the emotion. Acknowledge that it is present, and don’t ignore it. 

2. Move all the way through the emotion. 

The authors of the book, Burnout, explain that we get stuck in stress when we do not move all the way through our emotions. I think it is the same with the emotions that accompany grief. When the feeling comes up, like sadness, let it come to the surface. Be curious about the emotion. Ask questions like, “When did I start feeling this way?” or “What am I most _____ (emotion name) about?” Listen to what the emotion is trying to communicate to you. Take a deep breath and allow the emotional wave to pass over because it won’t last forever. 

3. Remember hope. 

I know what you had hoped for the holiday season may not be happening. Again, it’s OK to feel sad about that. But it is also important to remember hopeful things. Practice gratitude and know that Jesus still sits on the throne and remember that “sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” Ask, “What feels hopeful to me in the midst of this grief?” 

4. Think of a new life-giving holiday tradition. 

If you can’t spend time with the people you usually get to be around or buy as many presents as you normally get to buy or whatever you are grieving, think of a new way to celebrate. Bake homemade goods instead of buying gifts. Create a new tradition with your immediate family or loved ones that is simple. Connect with people that matter most to you. Find a great Advent devotional to walk through during the month of December. This will all help move through the pain of the losses with new life. 

The grief we all feel this year is real. Let’s all gently allow it, acknowledge it, move through it, and find the hope that is an anchor for our souls. We can remember that the holiday season may look different, but it can still be beautiful. May it be so among us.